Flirting with the Bright Side

First, thank you everyone for your support. It helps to know I'm not alone.

I'm feeling at ease today. Less overwhelmed. I'm trying to complete the loan papers for the house. It's tempting to ignore it, but it has to be done. The funny thing is.. 3 kids and 2 husbands later... I'm just not sure I'm ready to make the kind of commitment it takes to buy a house.

My priorities are definitely screwed up.

Needing some Cheese

Well today didn't go all that bad. But I'm still going to whine a little.

It seems like my world is falling apart. I know this is what I wanted. It doesn't really make it all that much easier. I try not to get all dark and personal here, but I'm concerned. I know that I'm not sad about losing someone who I was supposed to love.

What I wonder... when was the last time I said I loved someone and really meant it? And have I actually ever? I just don't know if I'll ever let someone in. But the first step is admitting the problem, right?

The problem, folks, is me.

The End...

Ok, so we have court tomorrow. It's going to be ugly. and nasty. and I hate it already. I'm going to bed, but if you see this, wish me luck, patience, and a whole lotta Valium.

Famous Quotes

In honor of my BFF, Amanda:

The best part about having a boyfriend... is always knowing where you left your underpants.

Red Ex

Today I followed a red Ford Explorer with the above-named personalized plates. We went over an overpass where they stopped at every.single.pothole. to navigate around. Then they went a good 15 mph under the posted 35 mph down a residential street.

OK, so I understand being cautious.

Then they turned - a hard fast right turn - without USING THEIR TURN SIGNAL.

Public Service Announcement

My sister is going to be ok.

I like to start off with that because that is the important part. Saturday night / Sunday morning she was a passenger in a very bad car accident that was the result of two dumb girls getting drunk and driving in the fog with no seat belts. They hit a tree. Head. On.

They will both be ok.

Sparing the details, we knew this would happen someday. She is 21 and has a serious problem with alcohol and likely other drugs. We knew it was when, not if. And there wasn't a damn thing we could do about it. This is the third car she has had a part in totalling in 3 months. All booze-related.

So please, if you pray, please pray for her and her friend to learn from this. And please pray that people stop getting into vehicles and driving drunk.

And please talk to your kids about it. Even if they are too young.

Confusion

You don't want to be with me...
...but you're pissed that I don't want to be with you.

So let's convince me to stay by being the biggest ass possible.

Perfect Sense.

Good Intentions

The kids and I had a busy weekend that included Chuck E Cheese, the park, and the zoo. I found a cell phone at the park. It was a nice, newer Verizon phone. After asking around and not finding the owner, I called the home number on it in an attempt to return the phone. I also called the last number dialed when the home number didn't answer. The lady at that number gave me the owner's home address and asked me to drive it there! I eventually got a call back from the owner and she was coming back to the park to get it.

When she showed up and I handed her the phone, she barely grunted a 'thanks' and peeled away. How dare I inconvenience her by making her drive all the way back to the park for her forgotten cell phone.

I instantly wished that I had friends in Europe that I could have called on her dime. Ungrateful hag.

Have Your Pet Spayed or Neutered

In light of my almost-single status, I thought I'd share my favorite bad-date story. Shortly after divorce #1 I started talking to a guy in one of my classes at school. He was a few years older and divorced himself. Not all that great-looking, but I just wanted to get back in the game. I took him up on his offer to have a quick bite at McDonalds one night after class.

Basically at this point we knew each other's names, family situations, and career plans. That was about it. As we were ordering he looked me dead in the eyes and with a straight face asked, "I just have to know, are you fixed?"

I stalled for time and tried to figure out what the hell he was asking exactly, and why. He tried to clarify, "I just wanted to know because you have two kids and I want kids of my own someday."

Needless to say that was our first, and last, date.

False Advertising

Megan has a new bed. Why, at 3, she is finally getting a toddler bed is a long story that starts with the fact her never-slept-in crib converts and ends with her father doesn't want her to grow up so he won't convert it.

We bought a handy little bed at WalMart. The box CLEARLY said 'easy to assemble'. I figured after wrangling it out of the store with Megan in tow and no help from the employees, putting it together would be a snap.

Well they obviously meant it was easy to assemble if you are an engineer or a carpenter or even just someone who has a vague understanding of WHAT THE HELL TO DO. It took several hours and several more cuss words, but I finally got it together. Megan is very pleased and loves sleeping in it.

We have no extra bolts and one unfilled hole, I'm hoping it's their screw-up and not mine...

Party Like a Rockstar

Well Megan did it. She got her ears pierced! Not even a single tear from my big girl.

I should add that I would have liked for her to wait until she was responsible enough .. like at 30.. but I caved. She's a rockstar.

Quite Possibly the Worse Idea Ever

Our local Meijer has TV Karts. For $1 you can lock a kid in the cart and shop in peace.... So they claim. The biggest problem is there is no front windshield (presumably so the kids can breathe). My kid thinks it's an escape exit.

Also, the doors lock - well they kind of lock. Unless you jiggle them enough from the inside. This cart happens to sit children right at the eye level of EVERYTHING THEY WANT. I end up with more junk than if I had used a regular cart. They are also not so cool to push around.

I appreciate the idea, but I hate TV Karts.

Addicted

Ok, so I've been neglecting my blog. A lot. I'm sorry!

I've been pretty busy what with the pending divorce (did I say that out loud?) - and no, I'm not ready to talk about it - and the horse show season being in full-swing. And then there is this MySpace thing. I swore I would never buy into the hype. It was for kids, I'd say. Well, here I am. And guess what? There are a lot of old folks like me there! I've found friends from school that I barely remember.

I also found this girl I grew up with. We were like sisters until I was about 10 or so. Then she just disappeared. While it's cool that she's doing great and she said hey, it's a little weird. I spent so much of my childhood looking up to her and now I have no idea who she is.

So, if you've ventured into Kiddieland, look me up at http://www.myspace.com/myrandomnumber - I'm kind of embarrassed about how few friends I have!

Ironic

Today I did a little my my MySpace page. I feel so *like 12*. Well, I wanted to do the custom name thing they have so that my page is called something other than myspace.com/somerandomnumber -- well I wanted it to be 'Be_fearless'....

.. well it was TAKEN! and not just taken... BUT taken by a girl who rides horses.

I'm pissed.

Tag your it! ;)

When I read this comment, my first inclination was to scratch my head -- as if I had caught head lice or something. I'm so weird.

Karen tagged me and so I am going to try to come up with 7 random things I haven't already mentioned.

The Rules: Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

1) I eat like a 5 year old. No, I don't wipe my hands on my pants, but my main food groups are pizza, fries, pop, hot dogs, mac & cheese, and McDonald's. I've never eaten a salad and I don't know what I'd do with a lobster. If you can't dip it in ketchup, it wasn't meant to be eaten.

2) I have OCD. LIKE.A.LOT. I sometimes repeat myself 50 times, it's annoying. I lock and re-lock doors. I set the alarm clock 7 times. I have to scratch both legs if one itches. My socks have to match. I also bless myself if I sneeze. It's a compulsion.

3) I work three jobs. I've worked three jobs for about 4 years. At one time I was up to 5 part time jobs. It was not fun. Now I have one full time job and two part time. And I still spend every dime... like it's a quarter.

4) I don't like to wear skirts. My legs are *husky* Even when I was a size three I had fat legs and angles. And boy feet -- a nice hardy size ten. Doubt I'll ever fall over, I have a nice wide base. My aunt wears a 12.. in men's.

5) Sometimes the uber-nerd comes out and I try to find algebra problems to solve for fun. It's nice when things have an exact solution and there is no grey area. I love logic puzzles.

6) I've been known to wear the same pair of jeans a couple of days in a row. As long as they aren't - you know - dirty. Underwear, however, has a strict 24-hour shelf life and is never clean if you've slept in them.

7) I sometimes hide out in the bathroom. I claim constipation, really I just want an extra few minutes to read and be alone.

*Bonus!!* 8) I have a Myspace! However, I only have two friends and I don't 'decorate' - even though IRL I am a web designer.

There you go! I could have went on and on. I think I'm over the have-nothing-to-blog-about bug. I don't think there is anyone left to tag, so thanks for the fun!

Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?

I've been MIA. Lots of things going on. Nothing worthy of a mention here.

I revisited my New Years Resolutions to see how I'm doing. So far I have failed EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. Seriously. At least I'm consistent.

Tonight my employer is going to be featured on Modern Marvels. I'm definitely excited, but I'll only be taping it to watch later. LOST is on.

Are you all into horses, Christi?

That question was in my comments. I was going to answer it there, but my answer was so long that I decided it deserved a post.

I've been riding horses since I was a baby. All of my earliest memories are on horseback or somehow surrounding horses. When I was growing up I used to joke that we kids would starve before the horses would. That's how it was, the horses came first and we did nothing else. All of my friends had horses. It kept us out of trouble.

I was away from the horse world for about 5 years. The five most miserable years of my life. Not just because there were no horses, but also because there was no horse-therapy. It sucked.

The kids are about as into horses as I was as a child. They like them, but not the work. They do the work because they have to, like any chore. They take the horses for granted because they have never been without. They seem to understand that no matter how tired we (humans) are, the horses depend on us. The husband, he hates them! I tried to find a nice guy who liked horses, but all the boys I've dated that liked horses don't like girls ;)

As for me, there is absolutely no place I'd rather be than at the barn. Except for maybe at a horse show.

All Quiet on the Homefront

Not a whole lot has been going on. We're gearing up to start the new show season. The fun: new clothes, hours in the barn again, the successes. The not-so-funs: sore butts from riding, empty bank accounts, hours lot to the barn. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. We have a show scheduled for every weekend from the last weekend in April through September. Let's see how many we make it to.

Digging Around

I've spent some time digging around for info on my horses' families. Maybe it's because spent so much time no know my own dad, but I feel like I should know a little something about their parents.

Bluberi Moon, whose father (was) Zion Son King and mother StrawberiShortcake, is the mother to my SuchaFancy Bailey (I didn't name!) and her father is Short of Socks, son of Socks of Doc. Te Party Time, a non-relative is the daughter of Te Two Eyed and Storeys Delight. She is also the mother to a yet-unnamed baby, fathered by In Good Taste.

So there! Now if there are any other curious horse-googlers out there, maybe they'll find me and we can swap pictures.

I Know Things

Today I issued a challenge to a friend to count backward in Spanish. She asked for a second to think about it. I spouted it off before she would get a word in. Knowing I do not speak Spanish, she asked how.

When I was a kid we were taught numbers to 10. Bored one day while on my horse, I practiced doing them backward. So, I said, I recite them like I would the lyrics to a song.

"OH!" she says. "So you know them like I know the alphabet."