Bing!

An interesting point was brought up today about the glory wisdom of Bing. I know Microsoft wants to recreate Google and have their own verb in the marketplace, but Bing?

Who in their right mind is going to Bing themselves? Hey, how about we Bing that? Did you Bing it? How about a pre-date Bing?

Nice, I'd say a swing and a miss.

Walk the Line

Well, I hope that I'm back after a long absence. I'll give the reason that I have been giving the world. I've been sick. I never have to elaborate when they see me. It's more of a I-think-I-have-a-mental-disease thing.

I lost 50 pounds in about 4 months. And about destroyed myself in the process. At my peak I was working out for about 4 hours a day. I'd run for about 7 or 8 .... or 9 or 10 miles a day without taking a day off ever. I'd lift and do strength training every day. And I'd be on the go non-stop... on a strict 1000 calorie or less a day diet. And then I gave up meat to cut even more.

Proud of every pound that fell off and disappointed in every ounce that found me, I was a regular at the scale. I'd get on it about a dozen times a day. I know how much a glass of water or a shower makes you gain, and I know how little you lose after going to the bathroom. I can pretty much tell you at any given moment - to the ounce - what my weight is without getting on the scale. You don't have to tell me I have a problem, I know.

Each time I reached my goal with ease, I said why not another 5 pounds. Eventually it caught up with me. I stopped having periods in January. My body began to literally shut off. I couldn't go to the bathroom and I ached all the time. Still I stuck to my schedule. I rode the highs and the lows, congratulating myself each time I turned my starving belly away from food. I lived through intense stomach pains as my digestive system stopped working. For months I'd be doubled-over in pain after eating only one bite. I stopped losing weight and stopped living life. I drank tea by the gallon and chewed gum by the pack. I listened to a lot of criticism about how I looked. It only made it worse. I couldn't control how my body looked, but I could control what went into my mouth.

Then the binging started. Unable to turn away any longer, I'd consume enough food to literally make me sick - and make the world spin. Then the purge. I'd exercise into exhaustion. All I ever thought about was food. I read book after book about the foods that I couldn't eat. I made elaborate dinners for my family and then sneak off to eat lettuce. I started taking bites and spitting them out instead of swallowing. Then I realized I might, maybe have a problem. Somewhere along the line an attempt at better living became something bad.

I think I'm getting better. The weirdest part is having a disorder is almost as obsessive as the disorder itself. I want to be the BEST eating-disordered person out there. I want to lose more, faster, than anyone else. It's no longer a solo competition. I don't really want to get better. I don't know how I lived on the planet eating a whole package of Oreos without questioning it. My digestive system will likely never be the same. My mind will definitely never be the same. Still I think if I just get through today, the calorie count begins at zero in the morning and it's a new day. I plot my exercise plan to ensure I cancel out the food I take in. I know that I need to overcome this, but I'm simply not ready to stop playing with the five pounds I gain and lose to stay busy. It's a line I like to walk.

And that is scary.

Update

135 and counting. I cheated a little this weekend. I got way too drunk during the football game. At least the scale didn't slide back up. Not as exciting.

13 down, 20 to go.

I'm walking 4 miles every night and loving that!

Don't Toy With My Emotions

I bought a scale today. I'm officially one week into my diet and have not cheated at all. I actually feel a lot better than I thought I would. I was really hungry for about 3 days and now I'm not ever really hungry, but I'm never full either. I guess it is a good medium.

When I started I weighed myself on two different scales. They both put me at 148 or so *GASP*. That's pretty close what the doctor told me last time too. The scale I bought today - my best friend in the whole world - put me at 139 (with clothes). Yea, same thing I'm thinking, it can't be right.

So I searched the net for how much a gallon of milk weighs. Well I could only find whole milk, and of course there is NO whole milk in my house. Well after 10 minutes I realized - DUH! How about the two 10 lb dumbbells I bought today. They weighted 20.5 pounds. So if anything, the scale is a little heavier. I can live with that.

How does someone lose 9 lbs in one week? I have no idea. I imagine it is water weight. I can live with that. My body doesn't really look different yet. I'll take this as a small victory and hide the scale until next Sunday.

9 down, 24 to go.

Disappointed

The Buckeyes got beat today. Where I live, Buckeyes Football is a big deal. Everything stands still during the game. And today's game, well it sucked. It didn't look like they even showed up to play. I wanted to stop watching after the third quarter - and I should have.

The fact that we are going to CLOBBER Michigan next week is little consolation.

When a Stranger Calls Back

The whole family went to the YMCA for a little workout tonight. As we were leaving, I ran into a guy I went to college with. I did a little running around with him and his friend Bob. I even went out with Bob a few times. I'd tell you his name, but the funny thing is I DON'T REMEMBER! I had several classes with this guy and we were friends, but his name completely escapes me. I think I faked it good enough for now, but he wanted my number to catch up more later.

So tonight my phone rang and it was him. More faking. I seriously gave this a lot of thought. We made plans to all meet sometime to hang out. Now what am I going to do?! I've even been to this guy's house before. I added him to my phonebook as 'guy I went to school with'.

Update! His name is Steve. - I think.

Beggar's Night

Trick or Treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, you can bet
I'll post your address on the Internet.

These people decided to trick-or-treat from their vehicle.
There should be some law against that.