Vonage Sucks Too

After my last frustrating experience with Verizon, I decided to sign up for Vonage. With a promise of a modem appearing at my door in 2 business days and a month free service, I was excited to be rid of long-time loser, Verizon (formerly GTE). I had to pay at $42 setup fee.

That was two weeks ago. Still no modem. I called to cancel. Well, turns out I have to call yet another phone number that is only open limited hours. I couldn't cancel with the same people I placed the order with. And they still have my $42.

Now I hate all phone companies.

I Stare in Amazement

When someone posts something like this in a blog...

For those of you who told me I'd never make anything of myself and those of
you who tried to knock me down every time I tried to get up (and for those of
you reading this that really should have no business doing it)...

It makes you wonder if they do not understand what a blog is. If you don't want to share it, then find a way to keep your mouth shut - or don't post it on the Internet. Seriously.

Red Ex

Today I followed a red Ford Explorer with the above-named personalized plates. We went over an overpass where they stopped at every.single.pothole. to navigate around. Then they went a good 15 mph under the posted 35 mph down a residential street.

OK, so I understand being cautious.

Then they turned - a hard fast right turn - without USING THEIR TURN SIGNAL.

Confusion

You don't want to be with me...
...but you're pissed that I don't want to be with you.

So let's convince me to stay by being the biggest ass possible.

Perfect Sense.

Good Intentions

The kids and I had a busy weekend that included Chuck E Cheese, the park, and the zoo. I found a cell phone at the park. It was a nice, newer Verizon phone. After asking around and not finding the owner, I called the home number on it in an attempt to return the phone. I also called the last number dialed when the home number didn't answer. The lady at that number gave me the owner's home address and asked me to drive it there! I eventually got a call back from the owner and she was coming back to the park to get it.

When she showed up and I handed her the phone, she barely grunted a 'thanks' and peeled away. How dare I inconvenience her by making her drive all the way back to the park for her forgotten cell phone.

I instantly wished that I had friends in Europe that I could have called on her dime. Ungrateful hag.

Have Your Pet Spayed or Neutered

In light of my almost-single status, I thought I'd share my favorite bad-date story. Shortly after divorce #1 I started talking to a guy in one of my classes at school. He was a few years older and divorced himself. Not all that great-looking, but I just wanted to get back in the game. I took him up on his offer to have a quick bite at McDonalds one night after class.

Basically at this point we knew each other's names, family situations, and career plans. That was about it. As we were ordering he looked me dead in the eyes and with a straight face asked, "I just have to know, are you fixed?"

I stalled for time and tried to figure out what the hell he was asking exactly, and why. He tried to clarify, "I just wanted to know because you have two kids and I want kids of my own someday."

Needless to say that was our first, and last, date.

Why I Grind my Teeth

My dog is a barn dog. She's lived at the barn since I've gotten her. The barn is at my Grandma's house. I bought her a nice $350 pen to live in to keep her safe.

In November my aunt's dog came to live with her. They are sisters. My aunt's dog moved into my $350 pen and my $100 dog house. Rent free. She has provided dog food for them for approximately 7 nights of the almost 4 months her dog has been there. I have provided the rest. I also provide the labor it takes to feed them.

Today her daughter (who is an adult) decided to let them out unsupervised. They dog pound caught them. I now have about $200 in fees to pay. She said that was the price of owning a dog. Apparently she missed the chapter about providing room & board. And the responsibility it takes to have them.

Sometimes I seriously hate my family.

Educational Experience

We finally got a new home phone 'system'. It came with a new answering machine and, most importantly, two cordless phones whose batteries last longer than 5 minutes. The man of the house, a computer tech for several years, was in charge of getting it going.

I checked the messages tonight. Imagine my surprise to find our answering machine talking in Spanish! Imagine the surprise of those who left messages! I figured I'd be able to get it into English by pressing buttons. The only Spanish I know is my numbers (to 10) and anything Dora's managed to get into my head (like swimming pool and whatever 'vamonos' means). I erased the messages without a problem -- luckily it wasn't made by Google and it didn't try to translate those. However the menu kept saying siete.. -- so I kept pressing 7. I finally gave up and consulted the manual. Coincidentally, the manual that stated the default language would be English. I eventually got the stupid thing to talk to me in the language that is spoken in this country. The siete? Well, it was saying 'press 7 to repeat the menu'. DUH!

I now know how to say 'You have zero messages' in Spanish. It least I think that is what it was saying. It could have been calling me a dumb monkey for all I know; I took German in school.

D to the U to the M to the B

What is with the rash of songs that make you feel as if you are in a 6th grade spelling bee? For example: Fergalicious by Fergie or Holla Back Girl by Gwen Stefani (Warning, do not click the links unless you want a billion pop-ups).

It's like: I can't think of anything intelligent to sing about, so lemme spell some words for you. I wonder which member of their creative staff was in charge of the dictionary?

Reminds me of my favorite Rap song of all time: SuperSonic by JJ Fad -- but at least they made their letters stand for something.

The S is for Super and the U is for Unique, the P is for Perfection
and you know that we are freaks. The E is for exotic and the R is for Raps. SO
tell those nosey people just to stay the hell back.

Happy Homecoming

The husband is home. After giving me a quick kiss that missed my lips by a few inches and making a phone call to someone, he went to bed. Never noticing that I had spent the last day ensuring the house was clean. Never playing with the kid who had been wishing all week he'd come home and play. Getting a whole hell of lot more sleep than I was going to get.

Why did I get married again? Oh yea, to get a better deal on the taxes.

The Way it Works

I've never understood why women who work with other women think they can gossip about each other and it not get around.

I think that says it all.

Idiotville

Reluctantly I agreed to do a website about a year ago for one of the hubby's friends. Not even one I particularly care about because this is the 'drop everything when he calls guy'. He's always late, never prepared, and in general drives me nuts. I agreed to update the thing last night for the hubby's sake. Not for the fun. Not for the glory. Not even for the few bucks I make doing it. Which, but the way, is not enough to cover wasting my Friday night. I did it for the hubby. Because he thinks I'm selfish. I only ask if he can come after 9 so I can play with the kids and relax before bedtime. He can't. 6:30 it is.

He shows up at 10 till 8. Ten minutes before a new episode of Ghost Whisperer is on. Over an hour since I've been waiting. No call. Then he isn't prepared. Want to know what time he leaves? After 12 freaking thirty. So the baby is up until one because she goes to bed with me.

The whole time he's here, this is what I'm hearing from him: Do you know what ROI means?(yes, thanks, I'm not twelve) Then a half-ass explanation before I can answer. Do you even know what scalable means? Yes, I interject.. able to grow. OH! He says, I didn't think you'd know what that meant! 'I though you would say something about fish.' OMFG - that is what he said! Really, it was like that all night. Finally I said: "(Name withheld), I can't spell, but I still passed English. I'm not stupid." Yes, I said it rudely. It didn't help.

Then I asked him if he knew what pompous meant. Ok, maybe not so much. But I really, really wanted to.

Just Say NO!

I had to take my truck into my dealership's service center today. I was 2000 miles past the 3000 mark that they force you to change your oil at. I'm quite sure it could go at least 6k, as sure as I am that 93 octane isn't any better for my truck than the cheapo crap I put in. However, lovely General Motors decided that the sticker doesn't get people to go in so they devised an idiot light to annoy me with CHANGE ENGINE OIL every time I start it. Every 5000 miles. If only the hubby could program it to say .. DO THE DISHES .. then maybe he wouldn't have to. It's that annoying.

Anyways, I barely handed the (new guy) jerk my keys and he's wanting me to rotate and balance my tires (that I did last time I was in). No thanks. Is it alright to upgrade your oil change? Then we can top off all the fluid levels. Again, no thanks. Can we? NO! Really? NOOOO!

After waiting over an hour, an hour that I'm sure they used to read my pay stubs and possibly steal my identity from all the crap I leave in my vehicle, the jerk is back. OH NO! He's almost frantic. Good thing he (read: the stupid card I agreed to when I bought it) gave me a complementary 28-point inspection!!! It seems that every fluid in my truck with 37,000 miles on it is dirty. It seems my truck is on the verge of total meltdown. I need (fill in 300+ fluids that I'm sure are maybe inside) changed! NOW! Um, how's about no, buddy?! He shakes his head at me and walks away. Devastated at the thought I might have to walk to work on Monday because surely my truck won't run... or the thought he just missed about $200 worth of sales. However, that odd noise I was concerned about? The one that sounded like grinding when I turn? That was nothing. This is why people do not trust mechanics.

You don't even WANT to know what I wanted to title this post, but it had something to do with bending. Let's leave it at that. Final bill? $12.95

Bah Humbug

Just got done with the in-laws Christmas (party). I love my in-laws. They are everything my last set of in-laws weren't, and thankfully, are not everything my last set of in-laws were. This year was a doozy. My husband, the lone success story, has a couple brothers. The youngest has a 20 year old wife (he's mid-thirties) and a 9 year old daughter but a woman who's in close contact with children's services - constantly. This year the youngest brother is drunk, argumentative with everyone, combative, and obviously on something stronger than the pot he's usually smoking. He. Talked. Like. This. The. Whole. Night. By the end of the night I was falling asleep mid-sentence. He called me stupid, he told his mother she had no idea what she was talking about, and just generally made an ass of himself. Then he and his wife (who'd also been drinking) loaded up the 9 year old and went home. To their pit bull. Who is, apparently, the best family dog they could ever have. It's enough to make me want to drink. This is why I love the holidays.

Merry Christmas!

In Some Serious Need of Professional Help

I've been trying to finish my Christmas shopping plans tonight. I bought a few things online and am trying to nail down the rest. Taking a break, I did a search on blogger for "myhometown, mystate" - and OMG! Not surprisingly it came back with a plethora of people bragging about things like 'only getting 5 days in jail' and 'I have EIGHT tattoos'. Seriously. That. Is. My. Town.

I don't know which is worse: the fact that I am not surprised or the fact that I bothered to look.

Why People Go to Prison for Killing their Exes

Because it is worth it, that is why.

My stupid ex bought the kids rabbits. And then told them that if I wouldn't let them keep them at the barn (not my house btw, someplace I have to drive 20 mins to) then he was going to eat them. Of course I relented under the condition I wouldn't have to feed them or scoop poop. He assured me he was ready to be Father-of-the-Year. Well, he doesn't take them to feed on weekends he has them like he said he would. He didn't feed them when I was out of town so they went 48 hours without food or water. He has never once cleaned up after them. He has never once helped them. I've been gently reminding him and coaxing him into being a better father. He did this crap all the time when we were married. He'd bring home animals that I'd have to care for.

So, tonight I said he could either make the effort or I'd drop the bunnies off at his house.. rather his parents house.. he couldn't handle keeping a job to keep a house. First, he blamed the kids. Called them irresponsible, etc. Like they can DRIVE, HELLO. Then he blamed me. Then I'm not sure, but I think he blamed the rabbits themselves. Basically it was everyone’s fault but his. Then THEN THENNNN he had the nerve to say that he (1) does running around too much for me already -- all the running he does is when I say, sure, you can get the kids for a few hours if you want to then he says (2) he doesn't get enough time with them. Well, Wonder-Dad, let's try an activity that doesn't involve you sleeping when you have them, try feeding the rabbits.

It ended with him telling me it wasn't fair that I brought this up and him telling the kids the rabbits were going to be killed and eaten because I wouldn't take care of them. They cried, thinking it was their fault. I relented saying forget it, I'll shoulder the responsibility as usual. They blame me, he blames me. Me, I blame the rabbits.

I should have hired a Hitman instead of a lawyer. It still might be worth it.