Friday, December 29, 2006

We Lived

Well, I made it through Christmas with relatively little pain. Everyone was happy. Santa comes a day early to our house, so we spend actual Christmas day in sweats and never left the house. The girls got new cameras lots of great pictures. My camcorder died that morning so I have no video. Unfortunately Santa had already gone and it was too late to ask for a new one. He did, however, leave me this:

It is beautiful.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Bah Humbug

Just got done with the in-laws Christmas (party). I love my in-laws. They are everything my last set of in-laws weren't, and thankfully, are not everything my last set of in-laws were. This year was a doozy. My husband, the lone success story, has a couple brothers. The youngest has a 20 year old wife (he's mid-thirties) and a 9 year old daughter but a woman who's in close contact with children's services - constantly. This year the youngest brother is drunk, argumentative with everyone, combative, and obviously on something stronger than the pot he's usually smoking. He. Talked. Like. This. The. Whole. Night. By the end of the night I was falling asleep mid-sentence. He called me stupid, he told his mother she had no idea what she was talking about, and just generally made an ass of himself. Then he and his wife (who'd also been drinking) loaded up the 9 year old and went home. To their pit bull. Who is, apparently, the best family dog they could ever have. It's enough to make me want to drink. This is why I love the holidays.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

This was taken from another blog. Apparently it offended and made at least one person cry. Folks, that's what we are about here: spreading the pain.

1) Schizophrenia---- Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?
2) Amnesia-- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas
3) Narcissistic-- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
4) Manic-- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And...........
5) Multiple Personality Disorder----We Three Queens Disoriented Are6) Paranoid---Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us
7) Borderline Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry, and I'll not Tell You Why
8) Full Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire
9) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
10) Agoraphobia---I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11) Senile Dementia---Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe
12) Oppositional Defiant Disorder---I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13) Social Anxiety Disorder---Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
14) Attention Deficit Disorder--We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

As someone who has to turn her alarm clock 'ON/OFF' exactly seven times every night, my personal favorite is #9 ;) Now can someone pass the tissues.... *sniff*


It is pretty common to run into people in my town who are chronic double-negative users. My question is if a double negative turns the statement into a positive, what would a triple negative do?

I was having trouble coming up with a triple negative, so Amy at work helped me out. She came up with this beauty:

I don't want nothing no more

I have no idea what it means.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


This morning I got busted leaving tooth fairy money for the boy. I know he's 9 and too old for that stuff, but I can't find a way to break it to him without upsetting the little ones. He'd tell. So.. I told him I was trying to find his money to take it. I said I wasn't giving you money, I was trying to steal it. Then I offered to take the $5 off his hands. He declined and decided to buy the story.

I guess it's better to be a thief than a liar.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Here Comes Santa Clause

One of the presents I got for Dan was a new electric razor. He's been using the same Braun since I've known him (four years now?). I'm hoping he'll like it.

I have two people left on my list. My mom and my grandma. I wanted to get my mom Cold Case on DVD, but apparently they have not released it and are not going to anytime soon. So, that's the only hard thing left.

And I have everything wrapped. I always give everyone a paper and then don't put names on the presents. I enjoy them trying to figure out what belongs to who by the shape of the box and they always forget that everyone gets the same paper for everything.

Balancing Act

A new girl started at work today. That makes us a 'four' when we just got used to being 'three'. If you've ever worked with women, you know how very little it takes to upset the scales of justice. Things went ok today. It will be interesting to see the week play out.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Tree is Up

Last weekend we got the tree up. By 'we', I mean the three kids. They worked together to unpack, build, and decorate it themselves. The bottom of it has colored lights, the top has white. There are three ornaments on most of the branches. I reduced myself to picture-taker and really let them run the show.

I've never been so proud.

Welcome Back

Hello, real world. Glad to be back aboard.

I've been sick pretty much all week. I think I peaked today. I spent much of the day in a drug-induced (yes, legal as long as I buy less than three boxes a month) haze. Mostly I was sleeping. What a way to waste a Saturday, but I feel semi-normal again. My headache is back to a dull-ache and I can breathe out of one nostril. This, folks, we call progress. The worse, however, is yet to come. I think the husband has caught it and you know how men are when they are sick.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

New Year

Yes, I've started making my list. I've never made resolutions before because I always thought it was a dumb way to motivate a person. If you had the strength to do it in the new year, you have it now. Well, call me a bandwagon-jumper-oner. But I'm going to be specific.

  1. Exercise 4 nights a week by doing as many crunches as I possibly can (plus ten). No credit for future performances.
  2. Keep a cleaner office. This means at least having no more than one junk box full of crap at any one time. And no moving the boxes to another room to make it fit.
  3. Cut my pop intake by one pop a day. I drink about 6 cans a day now. Really.
  4. Replace that one pop with water. The only water I drink now is when I accidentally swallow some when brushing my teeth.
  5. Fit back into my jeans. The size 4's that I loved and that fit me last winter. They will be mine again.
  6. Fight less with Dan. Learn to walk away. At least get out of earshot before I mutter the last word. At least once a week.
  7. Get better with PHP

That is it so far. I would not hold my breath.

For the Bored


[ RED ]
1. Closest red thing to you? One of Meg's Piggies (hair tie)
2. Has anyone ever cheated on you in a relationship? Yes, but generally it's the other way around
3. Last thing to make you angry? It was the 9 year old telling me that we weren't going to a pageant, it was a program. He ALWAYS feels the need to correct me.
4. Are you a fan of romance? NO
5. Have you ever been in love? I'm always in love, with someone. Usually myself.
6. Do you have a temper? Yes.

1. Closest green thing to you? Yet another Piggie.
2. Do you care about the environment? More so after watching the movie, The Day After Tomorrow.
3. Are you jealous of anyone right now? Yes, people who get to do what they want and still get a full 9 hours sleep.
4. Are you a lucky person? I'm not unlucky. God Loves me.
5. Do you always want what you can't have? If I want it, I get it. Period. Unless it is sleep.
6. Are you Irish? Nope.

1. Last purple thing you saw? A VERY cute dress at the Christmas (Program) tonight.
2. Like being treated to expensive things? I like to treat myself to expensive things.
3. Do you like mysterious things? No. Surprises Suck.
4. Favorite type of chocolate? Any that 'doesn't count'
5. Ever met anyone in royalty? Does the Quarter Horse Queen count?
6. Are you creative? Depends on how much trouble I'm in.
7. Are you lonely? I walk a pretty lonely path. I find people can only tolerate *so much* of me.

1. Closest yellow thing to you? More PIGGIES!
2. The happiest time(s) of your life? I'm generally happy a lot. I like to spend money on others. And myself.
3. Favorite holiday? I'm not a big fan of holidays. Most likely the 4th of July, there is no expectation to 'perform.'
4. Are you a coward? I'm confrontational, but I have walls. Thick, thick walls.
5. Do you burn or tan? Burn, then tan. But I try not to do either. I don't want wrinkles.
6. Do you want children? I want the three I have. Most of the time.
7. What makes you happy? Peace, Love, and 4-legged furry things.

[ BLUE ]
1. Closest blue thing to you? You guessed it. I think I have the whole bag on my desk.
2. Are you good at calming people down? Yes, I'm pretty level-headed when I have to be. With three kids you learn to distract and replace FAST.
3. Do you like the ocean? I hate water so much I can't even stick my face under the shower.
4. What was the last thing that made you cry? My mom. I cry a lot though. It makes me feel good... well better.
5. Are you a logical thinker? I'd say I'm a rational thinker. I can rationalize anything.
6. Can you sleep easily? I don't even think my head needs to hit the pillow anymore. I'm scheduled though. You won't catch me napping at noon. Unless I'm at work. Drunk.
7. Do you prefer the beach or the woods? I prefer the barn. And people who don't use double negatives.

[ PINK ]
1. Closest pink thing to you? Post-its, actually. Then piggies.
2. Do you like sweet things? I've been know to eat sugar.
3. Like play-fighting? Always.
4. Are you sensitive? And I'd like to stay that way.
5. Do you like punk music? What exactly is punk music? Is it by Pink? Maybe a song or two. I dunno.
6. What is your favorite flower? I'm not a flower person.
7. Does someone have a crush on you? Only every guy at work. Ok, maybe no so much.

1. Closest orange thing to you? I should really take a picture because I am sure you don't believe me.
2. Do you like to burn things? Play with fire, wet the bed. I won't even use a lighter. I'm not sure I could.
3. Dress up for Halloween? Nope, didn't even like to when I was a kid.
4. Are you usually a warm-hearted person? I'm not a mean person, but you won't find my inviting the bums over for dinner. Maybe I'm a little mean.
5. Do you prefer the single life or the security of a relationship? You can't have both? I don't think I'm the long-term type, but we'll see.
6. What would your super power be? I'd want to be psychic

1. Closest white thing to you? Paper, paper everywhere
3. Always try to keep the peace? I'm usually the breaker of peace
4. How do you imagine your wedding? My next one? Non-existent
5. Do you like to play in the snow? I didn't even sled as a child. I'd like snow if it was say, 70 out when it happened.
6. Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentist? No and yes.
7. Do you have Attention Deficit Disorder(A.D.D)? No. Noone that can watch 12 hours of tv from the same sofa can possibly have ADD.

1. Closest black thing to you? My Mouse or keyboard. Unless you count the undies.... Just kidding.
2. Ever enjoy hurting people? Probably more than I should. Some people, some people just ask for it.
3. Are you sophisticated or silly? I'm sarcastic. But I can behave at a dinner party. If you pay me.
4. ?? Where did 4 go?
5. Do you have a lot of secrets? Yes.
6. What is your favorite color(s)? When I was a kid, I would never pick a favorite color because I didn't want to hurt the other crayon's feelings. They couldn't help being born the color they were. Seriously. I think it carried over. 7. Does the color you wear affect your mood? Well sure. I feel grown-up in black, young in pink, and dorky in red. But does it make me dye my hair and get a nose ring, um nope.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

In Some Serious Need of Professional Help

I've been trying to finish my Christmas shopping plans tonight. I bought a few things online and am trying to nail down the rest. Taking a break, I did a search on blogger for "myhometown, mystate" - and OMG! Not surprisingly it came back with a plethora of people bragging about things like 'only getting 5 days in jail' and 'I have EIGHT tattoos'. Seriously. That. Is. My. Town.

I don't know which is worse: the fact that I am not surprised or the fact that I bothered to look.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

A Movie Worth Watching

This morning the girls and I watched Eight Below, the movie about the sled dogs. I'd have to say this was the best family movie I've seen in a long time. It clearly beats Ice Age 2, Monster House, and even Dreamer. It made me want to go play in the snow. Highly recommended

Friday, December 08, 2006

Why People Go to Prison for Killing their Exes

Because it is worth it, that is why.

My stupid ex bought the kids rabbits. And then told them that if I wouldn't let them keep them at the barn (not my house btw, someplace I have to drive 20 mins to) then he was going to eat them. Of course I relented under the condition I wouldn't have to feed them or scoop poop. He assured me he was ready to be Father-of-the-Year. Well, he doesn't take them to feed on weekends he has them like he said he would. He didn't feed them when I was out of town so they went 48 hours without food or water. He has never once cleaned up after them. He has never once helped them. I've been gently reminding him and coaxing him into being a better father. He did this crap all the time when we were married. He'd bring home animals that I'd have to care for.

So, tonight I said he could either make the effort or I'd drop the bunnies off at his house.. rather his parents house.. he couldn't handle keeping a job to keep a house. First, he blamed the kids. Called them irresponsible, etc. Like they can DRIVE, HELLO. Then he blamed me. Then I'm not sure, but I think he blamed the rabbits themselves. Basically it was everyone’s fault but his. Then THEN THENNNN he had the nerve to say that he (1) does running around too much for me already -- all the running he does is when I say, sure, you can get the kids for a few hours if you want to then he says (2) he doesn't get enough time with them. Well, Wonder-Dad, let's try an activity that doesn't involve you sleeping when you have them, try feeding the rabbits.

It ended with him telling me it wasn't fair that I brought this up and him telling the kids the rabbits were going to be killed and eaten because I wouldn't take care of them. They cried, thinking it was their fault. I relented saying forget it, I'll shoulder the responsibility as usual. They blame me, he blames me. Me, I blame the rabbits.

I should have hired a Hitman instead of a lawyer. It still might be worth it.

A First

We got a Christmas card from a longtime friend of the Man in this house. The card was signed (names have been withheld for my protection). Nothing else. Just an ad for their website. They aren't even techies (which then I would understand).

I feel Spammed.

What's On

I hate the tv mid-season. I realize that I waste more time than I have making sure I see my favorite shows (I'm down to about 4 - ok 6), and my favorite shows are now all an hour long, but it sure sucks to look at the tv guide and see they are all reruns.

I'm a fan of (in order of the day of the week, of course)

  • Desperate Housewives
  • Brothers & Sisters
  • Lost
  • Ugly Betty
  • Grey's Anatomy
  • ER

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Where Have you Been all my Life?

It's been a little hectic here the last week. Updates have been a long time coming, but I promise I haven't run out of life, just time. Here's the short list, more details on them later.. I hope.

1 . We had our end of year award banquet for the horses. We came home with trophies, plaques, and best of all.... my boy won his first belt buckle. That's a big deal! Hopefully I'll get a pic up soon.

2. My mom and I are not speaking. She blew us on off award night so she could watch my sister ride her horse... as if she couldn't do that any other time. I'm extremely disappointed in her. I'm used to her blowing me off, but these are her only grandkids. It'll be a while before I get over it. She doesn't think she did anything wrong. Both of my biological parents are a disappointment and I don't even expect much from them.

3. Went to Chicago on Tuesday for the SES Conference. In a word - awesome! We got Wednesday off to recover. I slept most of the day.

4. That brings us to today. Here is what you come for. Hick Christmas tales... I saw a yard today that was smaller than my porch. It had three giant Christmas inflatables in it. Two of them were laying over into the street because the people were too lazy to anchor them right - or perhaps they ran out of grass. Classic.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Tomorrow is the Day

It's haircut time. The last time I got my haircut it was February. I'm doing the annual chop and go. This year it's going to be a little different. I'm shelling out the cash for Penzone's. I need it colored to hide the silver. I'm hoping for something dramatic that doesn't make me cry.

Baby It's Cold Outside

This morning it was 60 degrees. Right now it is 35 and falling. With the wind it feels like low teens. Winter has arrived.